Controlling what we can and Surrendering what we cannot

Control seemed to be the recurring theme throughout last night’s group. As one member stated, “we have to control what we can and let go of the rest.” Sometimes we can feel like our eating disorder gives us our only sense of control when everything around us is out of control: changing jobs, losing relationships, financial burdens, family dynamics, moving to a new town, or simply everyday life seemed to be the uncontrollable and unpredictable parts of the member’s lives in this present time.

What if we could have a sense of control over our life that would propel us forward towards recovery instead of one that kept us stuck in disordered eating and self harm? For example, SELF-CONTROL by sticking to our meal plan, managing our emotions, receiving support (therapist, nutritionist, group), controlling our responses to others, taking care of our self (medications, sleep, balance), improving our communication, and doing the most effective things we need to keep us on track. Ok, so we can’t control things outside of ourselves, but we can control ourselves in a way that keeps us going in the direction we want, away from the eating disorder and towards recovery.

Members discussed the difference between supporting our sick self or supporting our healthy self. Daily, we have to differentiate between the voice of disordered eating and the voice of freedom and recovery, and choose which one we will follow. Self-control can be exercised in this area through awareness and making the choice to listen to our healthy self, which in the long run will lead to recovery.

May the next week be one of practicing controlling what we can (ourselves) and surrendering control of what we cannot.

Kathryn

Offering one another a hand for support during eating disorder recovery

Group this week was truly inspirational, as we witnessed members extending each other a hand for support and resources as they walk down this path of eating disorder recovery.  We had two new members who each offered unique insight and support to the group as they shared their stories.  One new member even helped a couple of members with potential employment options which is an amazing way to give hope in a time of uncertainty!

I was truly struck, as I am every week, by the openness and acceptance that group members give to each other.  I think this is the strongest element of the support group, and the one that helps motivate members to seek treatment or take care of themselves -- that unrelenting positive outlook and belief that recovery is real and possible for all of us.  One member, who is struggling with a recurrence of symptoms, was able to see that going back into her ED would threaten the healthy relationships that she has cultivated and this was enough to help her challenge the ED voice.  Another member took to the challenge of expressing her needs to a family member -- a very difficult thing to do when stuck in an ED -- and felt calm and centered as she echoed to the group why this was a positive step for her in recovery.  A third member related the trepidation of stepping on a scale -- and her anxiety about this was echoed and understood by everyone else in the room.

Sometimes in recovery, the strongest element to keep you going is just knowing that other people understand.  That not only do they "get it", but they have been there and are willing to help you get past it in any way they can.  Feeling accepted for your emotions and experiences can promote inner self acceptance and nudge you towards listening to your own healthy voice instead of the eating disorder's voice.  Recovery is built from a positive community and dedicated relationships!

Willingness

Willingness is doing just what is needed in a given situation, acting from the wisdom of your intuition, and bringing awareness to what’s going on inside and outside of yourself so that you can choose what will be most effective for you in the moment. A willing posture is a necessary component of recovery. Willingness is the opposite of willfulness, which is being stubborn, rigid, and refusing to do what is needed in a given situation. The group tonight showed tremendous willingness in various ways.

One member showed a willingness to get back on track with recovery after a few slip ups, despite her feelings of fear and frustration. A few others expressed a willingness to take better care of themselves, instead of allowing life’s stress, busyness and distraction to make them more vulnerable to their eating disorder. Another expressed an attitude of self-advocacy and assertiveness by standing up for herself and speaking her voice despite possible reactions from others. The issue of intimacy came up for one member and everyone else resonated with the fear that comes with getting closer to another person. However, she showed willingness to become aware of this fear as a trigger for her ED and she displayed courage to possibly take the risk to move toward intimacy in her relationships. Compassion is a recurring theme in the group, and tonight the group was open to allowing compassion for themselves, despite their struggles.

The willingness of this group to be real, to encourage one another, and to take the necessary steps for their own recovery continues to lead them forward on their journey. May we all learn how to be more willing to do what’s most effective for us today, so that we can continue to grow into the person we desire to become.

Group cancelled this week

Hello all,

Due to frigid temperatures in Denver this week, we did not hold the support group on Tuesday evening.  Please utilize the links on this blog for additional support until we meet again next week.  We hope that you stay safe and warm, and that recovery remains real and positive as we continue stepping forward towards healing.

All the best,
Kate