Relationships

This week in the EDF support group, themes around family dynamics and boundaries came up for members. The group discussed how when you accept that your have an eating disorder, it can be difficult to communicate your struggle to family members, spouses and friends, and ask for their support. A lot of times, people don’t know how to respond to the disclosure of an eating disorder and will even react in ways that are hurtful or triggering of more eating disorder behavior. Members expressed the common experience of those they are close to responding with an “I’m going to fix you” attitude, a drill sergeant approach, or simpe negligence, which are all unhelpful reactions. Other members shared concern about reaching out to others and becoming a burden to them. Yet, the group also resolved that all people struggle with something and a healthy relationship consists of reaching out to one another for support and at the same time containing your needs and not becoming over-dependent on someone else. All of these interactions are common with eating disorders and the ultimate question is how to communicate to safe people effectively so that they understand what you need and can support you.

Boundary setting was another topic of discussion. Members wrestled with the fine line between accepting someone else (friend, spouse, family member) and the relationship (even though it may be unhealthy) and setting a boundary, which would keep them from getting sucked into unhealthy roles and dynamics, and stunt recovery. This was a difficult issue because members were re-evaluating relationships with boyfriends, mothers and friends that were unwholesome. The course of action to take in a toxic relationship is a personal choice, and you have to decide whether to try to work on the relationship, alter it in a way that makes it healthy for yourself, or end it. These are tough decisions because of the emotional connections we have with others.

As always, I was inspired by the group members’ willingness to be real with the group. This authenticity and ability to wrestle with tough issues unites this group and fosters each member’s recovery process, which is astounding. I encourage all of us to examine our relationships and potentially set boundaries that would help us grow even more.

Kathryn