Growing out of our eating disorder and into ourselves

Every week, the support group members astonish me with their wisdom, perseverance, and level of hope they carry on their path of eating disorder recovery.  We had an amazing group last night, full of women on all walks of life and on the path to recovery offering each other support and resources.  One thing that continues to pop out at me is the capacity that members have to offer each other unrelenting depths of hope, but the difficulty they have in turned that hope towards their own recovery.  Why is it that we feel it is easier to give help to others than to embody it ourselves?  I think that eating disorders are tricky and deceptive things (and I am sure you would agree) that tell us lies such as "you don't deserve to be strong", or "you're not good enough to be in recovery".  These negative and untrue messages can keep us fighting a battle that we ALL deserve to win.

A big theme last night was this very concept of "I'm not living up to ______'s standards".  Whether it is your expectations, your parents', society's or ED's, can we ever really get to that unattainable place?  And if we do, will we be happy?  As someone who had walked this path, I can tell you that the more pressure we put on ourselves (whether by our own volition or put upon us by others), the more out of reach our recovery becomes.  Recovery is balanced, recovery means making mistakes.  Recovery does not mean perfection.....we are seduced by our eating disorder the more that perfection taunts us.  As someone who has WON this battle, I strive every day to live in the gray area, and not in the black and white.

How do we know when we are on the path to recovery? That question is echoed a million times all over the world every single day.  One member brought up her own journey last night  -- and shared with the group her anguish over growing out of her clothes.  Members were eager to show her support -- and to help her understand that she is growing out of her "sick clothes" and into her recovery.  This is one of the most difficult parts of recovery, however it is undeniable evidence that we are healing.  Growth is the essence of recovery -- growing out of the box we are stuck in, growing wiser in our own self-care, and growing stronger to fight the ED every day.

I know that there is growth happening every day, and I am grateful that the members of the support group trust us enough to show that growth.  One of the most amazing things about this growth is that we are growing TOGETHER.....and together we can beat the devastation of an eating disorder.

Kate